And i can say she is definitely narcissistic, when i checked this out on the internet after we parted, the signs of one could have been called her resume. Things seemed great in the first few years of our marriage but soon there were cracks, caught him in a few lies, saw how his personality completely changed depending on who was present. They break you down, accuse you of everything and turn it all on you acting like they never ever cared for you . Because I was stable, he tried sweet talking me and I could tell he was trying to move back into my life again. I asked her 2 days ago on the phone if she would help me with the demons i have had in my head for years and she said ok. What a joke. I hope this helps somehow: 1. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. Simple. Its surreal. Marries me while Im 5 months pregnant. I was married to a NARC and dealt with a lot of dark things from this man. Their need for control is whats at play here, and since you took control by asking for a divorce first, he is trying to punish you and take back the control in any way that he can. After about a week he was texting me and calling me again and wanting to work things out. Im rid of her and she married the idiot. I thought that now he was getting a divorce and would be able to freely do what he wanted that he would be satisfied with that but he continue to find ways to torture me or get back at me in a very subtle ways. For more information on how narcissists work, check out . Second only to addiction, McWade claims, narcissism is the ultimate relationship killer and a significant factor in many of the divorce cases she has witnessed. We clicked immediately and talked for hours after meeting. He owns his own business, Hobart and Kitchen Aid, and has two houses. I read somewhere the Ns otherworldliness serves to keep them young looking. I didnt realize what that word even meant until recently. I feel a certain amount of guilt knowing this marriage will end like the others have and there is nothing I can do or say to stop the destruction of another family. He is giving his current wife everything she wants right now, including a child and moving closer to her family and away from our children, because she is feeding his ego and obviously is easily manipulating her with his lies and half truths. Healthy boundaries are crucial in all relationships, but especially in second marriages." Kurt Smith, a therapist who counsels men He didnt care that I was divorcing him as he already had a new girlfriend. So what i am looking for is a somewhat analysis of what other people think of this whole situation and what they feel was really going on. She is an amazing person that has made the wise decision to leave me. Paid 1/3 her rent and offered her a car, but she didnt want or need my help and told everyone else I abandoned her and her kids high and dryI left her with almost 10k in her account. Im in a mess. From the narcissist that I know, they can maintain a second marriage IF the new spouse is a giver and feeds the narcissist constantly. He was charming, told me he loved me constantly and that he was a lucky guy . How I was so inept and useless. Any thoughts of her can have the potential to emotionally tie you back to her.look in the mirror tomorrow morning and believe that there are healthy women in the world that can love and can support and genuinely do it from their heart. Widely-regarded as one of the central events in a person's life. Leave all the emotions out (even if youre faking it till you make it), dont react to smear-campaigning, and use some Hollywood-style PR to get your life and sanity back by not giving him any form of supply at all (through reactions, emotions, facial expressions, etc.). Either their spouse is a completely codependent doormat (as I was sadly) OR their spouse is also narcissistic/sociopathic and just using him so they are both just using each other. So, have enough confidence to put forth what is right and do not back down. They are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. Run if you can; if not, your best bet is to go gray rock or No Contact (except when dealing with anything related to coparenting). She got pregnant right away, so she could get more attention, bought a HUGE house so she could show everyone how successful she was after remarrying this amazing guy. This site also participates in other affiliate programs and Kids report she has moved into the home. Will a narcissist behave better in their second marriage due to getting older and realizing they might not be able to get away with as much as they did in their first marriage, if the second spouse was more intolerant? She rarely listens to anything you say when you talk to her and is continually talking about herself and only likes to gossip about others. Whether family members, friends, bosses, or coworkers we all have toxic people to overcome. I could go one forever with these storiesits like a bad movie!!! The silent treatments started. So, I guess if they marry a doormat, it could work. Marriage for the narcissist means camouflage and stability and so will be careful not to upset the apple cart too much because this poses a lot of convenience. Being educated, successful at work, and healthy at the outset of a dating relationship or marriage are qualities that many narcissistic abuse survivors possess. By now he was cheating ( if not from the beginning!) He made up some elaborate story to make me look bad to everyone. Recognise the ploys,lies and deceit they use to hoodwink,manipulate and control. We had to back to court 2 years later as he wouldnt pay me and didnt pay the kids medical bills. A woman who is pleasing in bed well, its not really as lasting as other qualities. He was cheating with many women before her and I knew who he was seeing but this one was new. Everything in his life is in constant flux: friends, emotions, judgments, values, beliefs, place of residence, affiliations, even hobbies. No. He mentioned his ex wife and son, so I knew he had at least been married in the past. This might look like your spouse trying to manipulate your life or gain power over you in obvious ways. Never bear anything wrong done to you. Thank God they werent my kids though. He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. So its not a huge stretch of the imagination to think she will end up running off with a younger model (if she hasnt already). As long as her life continues to appear fabulous, she will keep this guy around. I know why he leaves work every lunchtime, leaves work early, works from home or barely talks to the rest of us any more. After 2 years of him struggling to get out of that relationship including her getting a court order to have him locked out of his homeyes, his homehe moved in with my daughter and I. Although there would actually never be a marriage at all because a normal healthy stable awake person would see red flags in the early stages and would just end it instead of sticking around. This was very helpful. Hi thanks for saying this. "Don't become bitter. Her contention to this day is that they were only friends and nothing else. Someday the kids will figure all this out. After our divorce, his first wifes family came out of the woodwork with stories of his narcissistic behaviors towards his wife and neglect of his kids after she died. 4. He wasnt ready to cut me loose. With a normal healthy stable awake person there is no way the marriage can last long term. For all those wondering what they did wrong.the answer is loved someone who has not learned to love themselves.love is not on the narcissist list of needs.only the external supply they need to power themselveseither give it to them and let yourself be depleted until you stop being you or respect yourself enough to simply let them be who they are and cut your losses and walk away NOW! I did not know what, and really who I was until recently. He is now engaged to a Chinese immigrant who barely speaks English. If her husband ever snaps and retaliates, she threatens him with divorce. even went on a smearing campaign with ex friends to talk bad about me and get discriminating knowledge about me. Paul,she has done you a massive favour.Keep looking ahead, blinkers off but aware that people like this have nothing.Empty vessels, its all about looks and control with themremember,empty vessels make the most noise.These Narcs have no shame,conscience,esteem,love (for themselves (not in that way) or for others)..it is like dating a robot.They say all the right things at the right time but it is all done to manipulate. Now I am mentally sick again. With all of these incidences happening she always paints her exes as the bad guy and how controlling and narcissistic they were. My ex- drifted from job to job, career to career, mostly not working, but always lamenting what his purpose was. Narcissists often rush into marriage and then a remarriage. Depending on how worthy the victim is in obtaining his goal, will also depend on how quickly the narcissist moves in their relationship. I know why he apologises to random people for things she accuses him of, because I used to do it. I know why he sounds flat and like all the energy and happiness has been sucked out of him. This term is derived from the psychological disorder and is better known in the context of a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). I thank God we had no children. Breathe a huge sigh of reliefthat could have been you. Long story short when she got home at 6pm she went right into the shower. How do I keep myself sane when hes going on vacations with her and they have this picture perfect family? And then the next day she just argues and calls me loser, stupid, etc. Unfortunately, you are permanently bound to him because of the child you have together, which is the grip he is going to hold over your head & on to for dear life (only to try to sabotage you to your child in subtle and indirect ways). He is remarried to a 28 year old who blames me for him disrespecting her. I had enough. Never marry a narcissist expecting them to change, even in the promise they will. You are explaining what just happened to me to a tee. Yet he gave them alllll too me. And hed pretend like nothing ever happened. I lasted for 35 years. Just a thought here.the temptation to compare her new companion with you is realbut try to resist. Truly move on, dont wait for them to come back because if they do it will only be for self serving reasons. Fight for custody. Within weeks she was shacked up with someone else, a guy she swore was just a friend when I asked her days before I left, lol, sending me emails and texts saying she was in Cabo, or the islands somewhere. If his new source provides him with the ability to obtain that which he could not achieve on his own, he will go to great lengths to secure this as a constant source of Narcissistic Supply. Narcissists have very specific reasons for being in relationships, but their reasons do not reflect the universal need most of us have -which is to love. She asked myself and another woman if we knew any rich guys we could introduce her to. So we just deal with it. I asked her are just you and the girlfriend going and she and she said yes, just the two of them. He spoke of marriage allllll the time yet when we met he was still married but separated, so he says. they always do til its too late. He asks not what he can do for the world but what the world can do for him as far as Narcissistic Supply goes. Her oldest sons gf was pregnant, so she wanted a kid then too. Stand up for yourself. I just want my life back. The week before I left she was trying to get me to have her tubes unties. He was extremely smart and full of wise advise. (I did tell them that I did not appreciate this late version of reality when I brought my 2nd grader into this situation- feeling they were complicit; they wanted the kids to have a mom who cared. So he dumped me out of the blue and got a new girl 3 weeks later. Narcissists frequently have divorces and get remarried? U will feel better. My first marriage went along the path of codependent and narcissist. I could go on and on about the mental abuse. I know why hes always exhausted or sick or acts like a walking zombie half the time. While a narcissist does have hope for change, which competent support of a counselor or coach, it is unlikely that they will change. Because of the prenupt- I lost all of that money I put into the marriage, and was never reimbursed, even for the years of paying health insurance from my salary benefits. I believe he feels the same way. I divorced a narcissist 44 years ago. The rest of the time she was sharing selfies of expensive holidays, her wedding, things he bought her publically, not just friends/family. So the second marriage will contain more abuse than the first one. How to Tell a Narcissist You Want a Divorce? An emotion that is never allowed tp be expressed in a spouse of a narcissist. Three months later, he found a new victim. Any publicity is good publicity, even through marriage. He met her in August 2014, proposed to her Dec. 2014, broke off the engagement Jan. 2015, re-proposed to her Feb. 2015 and married April 2015. Not sure if shes actually managed it, but she travels abroad by herself frequently (shes not from here) and is entirely focused on her appearance and going out partying while he works. After about a year of this cat and mouse game I got fed up and applied for divorce. But there are forums like Divorce Busting that have online support groups you might find more posters who can answer your questions or get more feedback. Then why did he leave the first wife if she was a door mat? As long as the narcissist continues to get attention and whatever else they need, they might be able to stay in a relationship. That was a genuinely awesome response. This went on for months and we never even kissed properly. They cannot control the intense negative feelings that they generate in their own mind. A narcissist will never stay married through the expression of love, compassion, or respect. Little did I know narcs equate stability with BOREDOM. Try not to take it personally. So I have a question/statementidk but here goes. They do not change their spots. Your next boyfriend will treat you like a queen and youll have learned your lessons. Being a husband or a wife gives a narcissist the excuse they need extract the praise and affecting that they feel the world owes them in a way that is likely to look and feel natural to the rest of the world. In the midst of the separation he tried me again and when I loss my mom last August he was over the top supportive and stated that if she didnt return he was divorcing her meanwhile tell me he should have fought for our marriage and that he wished things were so much different for us. The week before I left she was trying to get me to have her tubes unties. The person I met is unrecognisible from those social media posts early on. Kept finances separate. But hugs to you until that day comes because it feels terrible until then. Ive been on a few dates, but we werent a good match. The vows in our wedding that my second husband and I spoke were the ones we created to take us through our life journey ahead we took a class called saving your second marriage before it starts.I had a great job and worked with hundreds of people each week as a staff member at a large church.we were married by our pastor.then when I got sick with no reason why shortly after the miraculous birth of our only child he began to avoid me.shortly thereafter he began to ask for a divorce.his sex supply when I became sick was diminished to next to nothing .I needed love and support and he was not concerned with that.He sued me for divorce after 11 years of marriage and found his new girlfriend one year before that.the message I got is that his need for affirmation is paramount in any way he can get it and I was unable to give it to himso he found his next form of supplywhat did I do wrong? I was trying to bring stability to his life. Often, he can keep her guessing and trying to make things work for years or even decades. His career is his only place of stability. I fear what he will do to me. Marrying a narcissist can be a huge mistake, especially if you are unprepared for how they change after the honeymoon period. But I thought if I kept quiet life would be ok. http://samvak.tripod.com/faq32.htmlhttp://getoveranarcissist.com/narcissist-narcissism-marriage/. It took him a month to get me to go out with him and he moved in with me shortly thereafter. Could a second marriage actually last with these type conditions? If they leave, at least you can get therapy and start over with a clean-ish break. Very abusive, cold, unaffectionate, enjoys insulting and humiliating him in front of people (then grinning at me, as if Im supposed to enjoy her abuse as well), openly admits she married him for the money, jokes about cheating on him and taking half his stuff if they ever divorce. The year they were dating/engaged (she was in a rush to marry him and get a visa less than 12 months after they met) she spammed him with over the top public declarations of love that read like she was quoting bits of a romance film. At first it was really hard but taking the time to get to know myself, focus on my children and recovery was the best choice Ive ever made! The main reason for this is that narcissists place an extremely high importance on their own needs and desires. It has destroyed a piece of her. She acted like a completely different person and declared how perfect things were, how their love was so unique and could overcome anything, how she couldnt bear to be without him, etc.
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