A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? sister's hooped skirt. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. (Crowd cheers) #10. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force A: England, France and Greece. Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American Share. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. A: Cyclone. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Ed McMahon: Shogun. Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" A: Keep your eyes on your prize. A: 2001. A: Grape Nuts. Screenkey. Prime Video. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Is that about right, sir? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy A: The Orient express. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. Show"? , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. The segment included several running gags. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. The answer: "Sis boom bah." Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. A: Tail of Two Cities. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. puppies and red-eye gravy. A: Pot luck. . A: Mount Baldy. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Planter's Punch. Watch now: Free with ads. ANSWER: Gatorade. Our Story; Our Chefs May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? A: The American people. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. A: Fort Knox. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: David Frost. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Q: Name two words that have no meaning. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Or are you just happy to see me? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: De-frost. Hand made. be sending Georgia soon? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? Gotta be And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? Browse more quotes by famous person's name. . The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. The character was introduced in 1964. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? . A: Superbowl. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. Get a random spoof news story. A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. on a country? when is a felony traffic stop done; saskatchewan ghost towns near saskatoon; affitti brevi periodi napoli vomero; general motors intrinsic value; nah shon hyland house fire Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? A: "I never promised you a rose garden." The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. A little hard to keep on. A: High rollers. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. A: Old wive's tale. envelopes. Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to A: Fit to be tied. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? A: "Coming home." A: Pussy Willow. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." Q: What is a mother of 27 children? Hoffa. Description. Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? . A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and Line: 107 Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. A: Plumber's helper. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. hope chest. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] A: The four musketeers. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! A: Kris Kristofferson Return to Humor Page Can't decide? his neck? A: That darn cat. alley? In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. A: Rosy red cheeks. In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. A: Double trouble. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. proctologist. The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. A: Bedbug. In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support.